To Know Someone.
The other day, the co-founder of one of the companies I am an investor in, asked me how I knew a particular person. I found myself having difficulty answering the question for one simple reason: I know the person rather well (and he knows me), but we have never met face-to-face. It got me thinking: what does it really mean to know a person in a world where everyone is only a few LinkedIn connections or Twitter followers apart? It seems the acquiantance is fast becoming an artifact of the past? And what are the implications of these emerging relationships on innovation?
In my work with start-ups and with corporate innovators, I’ve come to learn alot over the years; however what I’ve really come to appreciate are the strength of the relationships I’ve made and I’ve seen others make with those around them. I’m not talking about Twitter followers and Klout scores, rather I’m talking about the quality of the relationship that exists between two people.
While it goes without saying that we are hyper-connected today, I believe we are further apart in understanding what it takes to nurture great relationships - relationships that bear fruit for both individuals involved. Relationship-building seems to have taken a back seat to “follower building”. Just because someone follows you on a social network, does not mean they listen to you, act on your advice, or - frankly - care. Most social networks are like big, socially-awkward, Homecoming dances replete with wrist corsages and sky blue tuxedoes screaming out “love me, want me, hold me, please be my friend.” And, believe me, my tux is just as ugly as yours.
So, here’s what I think we can all do in order to get back to the root of relationships, the backbone of successful innovation. It starts with an understanding of what innovation is and what it’s not.
The difference between creativity and innovation is simple. Creativity is a cognitive science. It’s about how you think. Innovation, on the other hand, is a social science. It’s about how you interact with others. While there are many creative people in this world (in fact, I’d argue everyone is creative in some capacity); there are fewer innovators (those who can apply the collective creativity of a group towards a shared vision to solve a problem).
Here are common mistakes I see people make (and ways you can work to correct them):
1) Wanting (vs Giving). A VC friend of mine, Matt McCall at New World Ventures, summarizes this nicely. To paraphrase Matt: “If the first time you meet me you are asking me for money, you’ll likely not get it.” Give before you get. You can give of your time, your knowledge, your own network, your skills, talents, sweat equity. Successful people like to help people. “Give and ye shall receive.”
2) Don’t Rush It. Because of the fact that we are so connected “technically”, we mistakenly believe that just because I can find a person quickly translates into developing a relationship as quickly. Humans simply don’t work that way. Don’t rush it. If you consider every person you meet as a transaction, that’s all it will ever be. Invest the time on the front-end to get to know a person. Listen to them. Find out what they are trying to achieve. Even the most successful people on the planet have dreams and aspirations yet unfulfilled. Find out what those are. Be interested in them. Who knows? Maybe you’re the person that can help them most?
3) You Don’t Need a Reason to Connect. Every time you meet with someone, you don’t necessarily have to have an agenda. Sure, it seems unnatural to just want to “get together”, but frankly, friends don’t have agendas. In fact, I would argue the absence of an agenda is what makes the best friends. Try getting together with a person you want to meet “just because” you’d like to meet them. And, when you do, don’t ask for anything: no favors, no introductions, no money. Just talk.
4) Working With Time Constraints. My previous dean at Kellogg (Dipak Jain), like most CEOs, was always pressed for time, yet very valuable mentor to our students. So, in a creative way of finding time, Deepak would offer to meet with students on his drive home from the airport. They’d agree to pick him up and he’d agree to listen! He got a ride. They got advice. Win-win.
5) Avoid Gimmicks. Be Honest. I don’t mean to sound overly-simplistic here, but the old adage “if you want money ask for advice; if you want advice ask for money”, well, I’ve seen it go sideways a lot recently. A cliche out of control. Look, if you want money, ask for money. If you want advice, ask for advice. Investors (good investors) want to invest in great ideas and amibitous founders. It sounds good as a cliche, but frankly, it only makes the agenda part of the relationship that much more obvious.
6) Create Your Brand. Your personal brand is what people talk about when you’re not in the room. What do you want to be known for? (and not a “results-driven professional who fosters innovation and excellence”). Rather, what do you want people saying about you in very speicifc terms? Wouldn’t you rather be talked about by those you admire and those you mentor as a person who “made it happen” for them? (vs. a person who suggested that they make it happen?).
7) Let Them Win. If you want to deepen your relationships with others, do as my good friend, Chris Eastwood, an exec. at Time, Inc., often says: “Let them win.” Quit looking for all the holes in their argument. Quit trying to sound or look smarter than them. Let them win. Better yet, help them win.
Now, if someone can figure out a way to reinvent social networking with these principles in mind, move over Facebook.